regarding my trip to Canada.

[So, uh, I went to Canada last week to visit my special lady friend's family. Just got back yesterday. Here's a journal I kept in my Terrel Davis spiral notebook. Expect me to step up mah reviews in due time.]

Night before:

"Johnny plays sitar and he's an existentialist." This collection of early David Bowie singles is obnoxious. Time to watch more episodes of How I Met Your Mother and hope for sleep...

Thundercats is way better than most '80s cartoons from my youth, yet still very terrible. Joe Jackson's Beat Crazy is kinda good, except when it drops the n-word... A LOT.

The car is overloaded... danger at every turn. Two feet of snow in Ontario.

Readin' Philip Norman's John Lennon - The Life. It tries to too hard to validate every shit Lennon took while glossing over some of his greatest artistic achievements. Excellent historical record, though [Expect a review around these parts... eventually].

Here is a complete list of the records I listened to on this trip:


-Tori Amos - from the choir girl hotel
-The Arcade Fire - Funeral [IN CANADA THIS IS CONSIDERED CULTURALLY APPROPRIATE. Also, my word, I forgot how perfect this record sounds!]
-The Beatles - A Hard Day's Night
-The Beatles - Help
-The Beatles - Magical Mystery Tour
-The Beatles - Revolver
-The Beatles - Rubber Soul
-The Beatles - Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
-The Beatles - Something New
-Big D and The Kids Table - "Halfway Home" [In honor of Cicero, New York, the alleged midpoint between Bowmanville, Ontario and Blue Bell, Pennsylvania.]
-The Bird & The Bee - The Bird & The Bee
-Black Sabbath - Master of Reality
-David Bowie - Aladdin Sane
-John Lennon - Lennon Legend: The Very Best of John Lennon
-John Lennon - "Real Love"
-Mirah - You Think It's Like This But Really It's Like This ["I'll have eyes / That have seen the wilds of Pennsylvania / in the winter time" and such.]
-Portugal. The Man - Censored Colors
-The Raveonettes - Beauty Dies
-The Raveonettes - "Merry Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)"
-The Raveonettes - Sometimes They Drop By
-Silversun Pickups - Carnavas
-The Smashing Pumpkins - Pisces Iscariot
-Various Artists - Instant Karma: The Amnesty International Campaign To Save Darfur
-The Wrens - Secaucus

Watched:
-Joe Strummer and The Mescaleros - Let's Rock Again! [Incredible documentary of The Mescaleros on the road circa Global a-Go-Go. It's suffocatingly sentimental like The Future is Unwritten, showing Strummer in some desperate bids to promote the record. He crashes boardwalks and radio stations to sell his Atlantic City show as if he wasn't ever in The Clash. Astoundingly, a lot of people act the same way. Great concert footage too. My iPod's battery died 1:30 away from the ending]
-Network [Or, at the first 10 minutes...]

The drive:
Mr. Muir's pants fell down when he got out to get gas in Cicero. That was weird.



The Muirs go to the same Cracker Barrel every time they go to Canada because it's the midway point between Bowmanville and Blue Bell. The food's actually kind of good. Deliciously buttery, which will prolly kill me. [Note: We ate there again on the way home, at which point I purchased a best of from The Coasters, entirely because they had a song called "The Shadow Knows."]

Played a lot of music trivia with Michelle on her iPod.

Phrases that should be song titles:
1. "You Dare to Mock Mum-ra?!"
2. "Put This Blade in Your Razor!"
3. "He's a Dweeb! He's a Nerd! He's a Socialist!"
4. "Owa-owa-owa-Oshawa"
5. "The Shadow Knows" [OH WAIT IT IS A SONG YES!]

Saw Shawn [NOTE: this is my special lady friend's older brother] & co. Ashley is still eerily excited to see us. Michael is still an eccentric hellion that doesn't know my name. Tonight, I am "This Boy." Melodie is in a pretty good mood; we collectively discuss movis and how screwed up America's health care system and economy have become.



Then we went to the hotel. After trying two ATMs, I am finally able to withdraw $40 Canadian. Our first night in Canada and we didn't got a Tim Horton's.

Canada has mall goths.

Michelle's Aunt Darlene and Uncle Ken drove up from Niagara for the night. They're wacky; it's great. Ken and Mr. Muir take turns antagonizing our waitress at Outback Steakhouse. Also great.

Michelle's got a fever, so I spend the night with her at the hotel while the rest of her family goes to see Shawn and the kids. We watch a documentary about the Nazi's attempts to conquer a subterranean race of super-beings during World War II.


Finally went to a Tim Horton's. Shit was illin'. Michelle and I babysat the youngins while the big kids went out to dinner with one of Mr. Muir's old friends. Looking at baby Mathew, I though, "Yeah, I could have kids." Then Mattie Boom-battie flipped shit, Michael threw a fit over going to bed, and the Chinese food we ordered sucked. Canadians are way too in to fried food (hypocrisy from an American, prehaps?). I totally see the appeal in raw veganism right now. The night was exhausting but rewarding. The kids are alright, and Ashley lets me play as much Mario Kart Wii as I wanted. Then we went home, pigged out on hippie food from Trader Joe's (dried snap pea taste like baked chicken skin and French rub. Discuss), and watching Saturday Night Live and Tank Girl.






Played more Wii with the kids, plus indoor basketball. Back home, Michelle's car imploded.

Got-damn, Canadian water tastes weird.

Michelle gets a bit funny in the head when she listens to Kimya Dawson. The photo to the right isn't quite it.

Mr. and Mrs. Muir put on some Celine Dion bullshit on the drive home, but Michelle and I perk up for the Romeo + Juliet soundtrack. Michelle can pretty much quote the whole play.

Border patrol almost didn't let Michelle back into the U.S. because of her numerous aliases. It was funny.

I bought my parents a bottle of Canadian chardenet with Canadian currency. I am an international businessman. I resisted picking up chocolate in a stupid attempt to be healthy. I caved and purchased an Aero bar, though. It's a chocolate bar filled filled with air bubbles. Take that as you will. Michelle wants everyone to know that she is eating a Luna bar.

Now she's done.

Eric, Erin, and Sam Fran all texted me "Ace of spades!" at the same time Friday night. Man do I wish I could've come out for the Collegian alumni drankin' social. That being said, I'm so glad I took a break from my stupid job to act like a jackass with Michelle's neice and nephew. Very rewarding.

Then I came home and found a bunch of records on my bed!

...I miss The Ergs!...