Monday, August 3, 2009

My Son My Executioner - 'The Burning EP'

[I shouldn't be allowed to review metal. Fuck this shit.]

Kids, here are some hard truths: If you smoke enough pot, regardless of whatever social clique you fit into, you will turn into a hippie. Don’t bother telling your high school sweetheart that you love him/her; (s)he’s going to dump/cuckold you sometime in October, freshman year of college. And if you write joke songs meant to satirize certain genres, make sure your “serious” shit don’t stank.

And heck, ya’ll, I’m not even sure if the hidden track on My Son My Executioner’s The Burning EP is supposed to be funny, at least on purpose. The only reason I think it’s a joke is that instead of having guttural, grizzly, I-gotta-shit-but-can’t can’t vocals, the band switches to Dio-style operatics. Musically, it’s still metal, but the vox push it from stupid and noisy to ridiculously goofy. It only lasts about a minute or so, but it’s still funny, much in the same way as when Propaghandi covered Black Widow’s “Come to the Sabbat” at the end of Supporting Caste, only less so.

But here’s the difference Johnny, you loveable lil scamp, you. Supporting Caste was a solid record with a good joke at the end. The Burning, however, is ho-hum modern metal-by-numbers, and not in a Nerd Rage way. Guitar solos fight with Cookie Monster-vocals for airtime while double-bass-laden beats come and go. None of this is new; five minutes alone will Headbangers Ball will assert that. And the differences between what make My Son My Executioner suck and other metal bands rule are subtle. But rest assured; this is tiresome noise.

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