Vultures United - 'Savages'

Hot dang, Vultures United. Your tribal album cover is creepin’ me out. Why so serious when you’re holding ice cream? Ice cream is too delicious for you to be that stern! Even when ya’ll eat ice cream in the inside cover, ya still make it look skeevy. Stop making ice cream cones look so phallic! I was raised Catholic, for crying out loud. This stuff is freaking my brain out.

But listen VU – can I call you VU? What about Vult-Un? – I girded my loins to the max and put on your compact disc. For a bunch of freaky-deakies, you sure write nice hardcore songs. There are definitely some Black Flag-isms going on here, in addition to the Bronx and maybe even Kid Dynamite. If played in the background, these songs will make everything seem more badass. Puppies nuzzling? Now they nuzzle hardcore. Tickle fights? Hardcore. Pictures of James Taylor? Douche bag, but now he’s hardcore thanks to songs like “The Joy Divisions” and “I Am My Father’s Son.”

Sometimes you come off a little immature, Vult-Un. “3 AM” is about ghosts, which is spooky, but it’s specifically about Bloody Mary, which is not very scary if you are over the age of six. Might I suggest changing the lyrics to be about Candy Man? Now that guy is scary.

But I’m just ribbing ya. All of these songs make me wanna fight something that will probably kill me, like a grizzly bear or the mighty sea. But some of the songs also make me think about my life and get all introspective and weepy. “I Don’t Need Drugs, I Need Money” is an excellent tune about getting older and having to take responsibility for/control of one’s life, which I dig. “Shit Talk From Skull Mountain” is, per the liner notes, “the anti-shitty-party-person anthem,” which is heartening. “Haunted Houses in the City of Fountains” deals with unemployment and the economy turning to crap. When I read about jerk-ass billionaires defending evil corporations that raped people financially, I will think of this song and smile. And then hope my credit card bill doesn’t come in for another week.

I guess what I’m saying is great job, duders. You rock my socks. I’m so proud to know you.